We often think that achieving our goals is about sheer willpower, determination, or setting the right targets. But the truth is, we don’t rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems. Everyone has goals, but it’s the systems we work that determine our progress. And working a system is more about regulating your nervous system than simply having a plan or being “disciplined.”
The Role of Care in Working a System
This is why care matters. When the big scary moments come—and trust me, they’re coming—you don’t want to react with your most basic fear instinct. Fear happens more often than we realize because it’s protective; it keeps us away from danger and, therefore, alive. But what is danger? To your brain, there’s no difference between physical and emotional pain.
A huge part of running a business involves emotional pain, rejection, fear of loss, and the countless shifts that occur as we make progress. It’s painful. So, while the idea of working a system might seem right in our cognitive mind, our subconscious, controlled by our self-preservation brain, is like, “Chill with all that risk stuff! You’re going to get us killed.”
Navigating Fear and Emotional Barriers
A few years back, I told my therapist, “Girl, I know I’m amazing. The ideas are flawless, and frankly, I’m a genius!” (Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit here). But it feels like when I go to execute, I hit a brick wall—like physically, I can’t move. What’s the deal?!
She explained the whole brain thing I just shared with you but added, “Congratulations, that’s depression!” (again, exaggeration) The amygdala (the part in the back of your brain that keeps you safe and informs your protective decision-making) feels the fear that you don’t acknowledge—fear you probably didn’t even recognize as fear. It just seemed like those “right things” that were there to protect you. And it keeps you alive because, again, it can’t tell the difference between emotional and physical pain.
The Inner Struggle
I’ll be honest, even as I’m writing this, my body is screaming at me to stop for fear of being judged and rejected. Subconsciously, this is searing. But cognitively, I know this is worth sharing because I’m not alone in this. So, I breathe through it, telling my brain and the younger me who had this fear that I’m safe to proceed.
Systems, Care, and the Machine (You)
We talk about systems all the time now, thanks to the language of Atomic Habits and other influences, which is awesome! Having a system for systems is a game-changer. But executing these systems requires care—care that everyone needs but not everyone feels informed or privileged enough to act on. It takes regulation, time, and practice, and we may feel like we don’t have enough time for it. But this is what your time is for.
Capitalism has us all messed up in terms of how to use our time and what really matters, but I digress. The greatest investment you can make is in your own care—not just because it feels good (because, honestly, it doesn’t always feel good to reprogram your brain; there are a lot of tears). But the long-term results are good, and eventually, it does feel good. I’m talking about long-term gains, like over a couple of years. I don’t feel depression like I used to, and it always surprises me in moments when I “should” how I don’t. It’s nice.
The System and the Machine
Working the system is about both the system and the machine—you. If something is impeding the process internally, it has to be dealt with through care and reparenting. This isn’t to say your parents were “bad”; they did the best they could with what they had. But now that you are no longer a child, it is your responsibility to sort through the ideas that raised you and either own them or love yourself out of them.
