By nature, many of us are stuck in a work loop that can give us anxiety, imposter syndrome, health issues and so much more. Due to the advent of social media and the unchecked effects of late-stage capitalism, it’s often hard to settle and feel good. The mind and body are constantly in motion toward some goal – which in and of itself isn’t bad but without purposeful slow-downs and strategic pushes forward, there’s little mental and emotional rest when you are constantly in pursuit, so we have to make a concerted effort to take care of ourselves, and I’m often asking others, especially my clients, ‘How are you taking care of yourself?’ The question for others often follows them telling me about a hard occurrence in their life that they probably can’t control.
There are a lot of things we cannot control, no matter how hard we try or hustle, but self-care isn’t one of them; in fact, when done purposefully and consistently, it helps us prepare for the eventuality of hardships and to slow the hustle and make room for better, more strategic actions that will push us forward.
While originally a medical term to care for one’s self after or to avoid medical complications, the Black Panther Party, among other civil rights activists, adopted the term to communicate care for the community through the active and careful provision of physical, mental and emotional needs of the people they served. The reason was that they were fighting something deep and insidious in racism, and it’s hard to fight against something when you are not taking care of yourself. How do you give something your all when you’re out of “all”?
So well, what is self-care? It’s the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health. That’s it! A lot of modern talk about self-care has been that it’s shopping, coffee, bubble baths, and putting up unreasonable boundaries, but there’s more to it. The biggest takeaway I want you to have is that it is preventative and is best done when it doesn’t feel like you need it. I’ve broken it down into four categories: Energy, Esteem, Expression, and Experience.
Energy
The strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity
Spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health, rest, and community. This area is all about the foundational needs we have to fill to create stores of energy. In this area, we are thinking about the foundations of who we are and what makes it possible to carry the weight of life. The majority of these are very personal and individual pursuits, even community, though, at first glance, it may seem that that is about other people. The people we have around us will impact where we go, how we think, and what we decide to absorb, and our ability to give to others creates new avenues of seeing and understanding purpose and life. People carry and transfer beliefs and energies, so it’s important to choose the transferences we subject ourselves to. Do you have a practice for medication, exercise, diet, and sleep? Have you seen a doctor, and are you taking the right supplements? Do you have criteria, rules, and boundaries for relationships? Do you know what it looks like to have people around you who energize you more than they drain you?
Esteem
Respect and admiration, typically for a person.
Physical aesthetics, education, inspiring and fulfilling employment. The other day, my favorite glasses started to peel. I was frustrated because whatever I’d asked them to put on them less than a year ago was coming off. It was making me a little nervous. It’s frustrating to feel that people focus on the peeling of the glasses in our conversation. I didn’t feel they were representing me well, and I didn’t feel complete, so I pulled out my extra pair, and nope. They didn’t feel so good either. What did I do? I found a pair that felt more like a reflection of me and how I wanted to be seen. When I talk about esteem, it’s about how we esteem ourselves and create a world that reflects it back to us. Whether it’s the things you put on your body, the special perfume you use, the kind of education (not to be confused with schooling) you get so you’re dropping deep knowledge in your area, the way you set up your desk and light a candle before you work, or even if you are working a job or building a career filled with inspired work, this is all about creating the atmosphere of the person that you comfortably are or the person you want to be. This can include the physical aesthetics like my glasses, education, or employment (this one is a little tongue in cheek because we all need money to survive, but it’s a means of self-care to work in a place that feels like you’re output is impactful and that you are getting something from the job. This may be more aspirational, and you may have to work up to this, but manifesting your mission through your job is a form of self-care.)
Expression
The process of making known one’s thoughts or feelings.
Expression helps us to avoid burnout. We are meant to express our feelings so that they don’t get trapped in our bodies. When we have reactions to hard emotions or scary feelings, our bodies tend to call for us to do something that will complete the cycle that it’s trying to move through. For fear, our body wants to know that it is safe so expression for this may be something physical like jumping rope, hitting a punching bag, or tensing your body and releasing. It’s always good to have a safe person with whom you can truly express your feelings without fear of judgment as well. We may not always receive new ideas when we express but that’s not the point – we need to release them so it’s not held in our system and then we can figure out how to solve them or whether or not we even need to. Expression is a huge and necessary form of care for everyone.
Experience
The act or process of directly perceiving events or reality (I like this definition in particular because it speaks to perception and to my point of altering perception through the action of creating experiences).
Trips, fun stuff, manis, pedis, tv, social media, bubble baths – things you enjoy just for enjoyment’s sake.
I love blowing bubbles. It’s one of those things that I’ve unearthed from my childhood that feels good to me. It’s a relaxing reflection of the moment I am in, allowing me some mental and physical respite and fun. Sometimes, you have to do things simply for fun and use those moments to care for yourself. I put these last on this care list because when we hear about self-care, these things that can be sold to us are often what we see and hear about. They are very important additions to care, but they are not the first step to building a foundation for the life that feels good to you; they are probably a result or last step after you’ve worked on the first two steps. All of these are great things, but when out of place, they might be acting in resistance to the life that we are trying to build, and we have to be careful to know when we are using something out of its time and place.
Hustling is to always be in pursuit of the treasure, while self-care says that I am the treasure or, at the very least, a vessel of potential in need of maintenance which means that I pursue what will take care of me and help build my mission and vision.
It’s hard to believe in a vision when you aren’t tuning the tool (yourself) that will be used to bring it to fruition. Feeling fulfilled and living on purpose begins with how we invest in ourselves.
I am a treasure; I am worth my own investment.
